Well, I finally finished my treatments! My 8th and final was on Monday, January 14th. I was there at 7:30am and the infusion of the Rituxan actually began at 9:00am after all the pre-meds were administered.
This time I was in a larger area (5 stations) instead of 4 like the Monday before. There were 3 chairs (these are actually leather recliners with special features) along the long wall and 2 on the shorter wall. I chose the corner station on the shorter wall which gives more room – there are no walls between the chairs – just the regular curtains they pull around you like when you go to the doctors office or the hospital to give you privacy, when and if you want it or require it. They also have a table tray like in the hospital for you to place food or snacks or whatever. I usually have had breakfast so I bring a couple bottles of water and a PB&J (peanut butter and jelly but I use strawberry preserves instead). This comes in handy mid-morning and then I eat half.
They actually provide wonderful sandwiches at lunch with drinks (juice or pop), fruits, cookies, etc., and so I either indulge in some of what they offer or eat my other half of the PB&J. Depends on the level of appetite.
This was a busy day. I started my infusion and because they have to give me so much benadryl and other drugs to help prevent any reactions from the Rituxan, it makes me sleepy and I so I nap for a bit. I still hear everything around me but I’m resting.
Again, because of the time, I was the first one there – but shortly after – it began to fill up. There is a large private room for patients that require more privacy – I had that once but it’s so isolated, I really prefer to be in the flow of things.
I’ve been very blessed by God and because of all your prayers, I have not gotten sick – I’ve only had the sniffles or the reactions of the chemo or Rituxan, but my goodness, I have not required hospitalization like so many of the other patients there. Many of them miss out on their treatments because they take risks and get sick with bronchitis, pneumonia, heart complications, fevers, gastrointestinal distress, their blood counts are very low, and countless other things, etc. I’ve heard all the horror stories – some of them are still trying to work and are worn out and become stressed out and while some succeed others barely make it. Others have small children or teens or spouses, etc., and catch stuff – some are stage 2 or 3 and others 4 like me. When you mention stage 4 (which doctors also refer to as “advanced stage” because organs are involved), people just say, “oh, I’m so sorry!” and they look at you as if you’re already out of the picture. Well, I don’t accept that – again, you have to have a very positive outlook and strong faith. No matter what happens, I’m not going to allow others to decide my outcome. This is strictly between me and God.
The other people receiving treatment along with me were mostly men – one with his partner and the others with their wives or alone. Again, I’m there so long during the day that I see many people come and go all day long.
There was one couple where the patient is the husband and in his early 70’s with prostate cancer, which eventually spread to his lungs and was complicated with emphysema. He was so sick from pneumonia that he caught from an airplane trip he took that it delayed his treatments by almost a month.
Another was a gent by himself – he was there for a blood transfusion, another was there with his wife and she left to run some errands. He has what I have and started at stage 2. This is his 3rd time back in 2 years. He has been in remission twice and now is in stage 3. He had such a terrible reaction to the Rituxan that I really thought he was going to have to be hospitalized. It took a staff of 7 to help him get it under control. After what seemed to be forever and ever, all the meds took hold and he responded positively. It was terrible to hear – they had drawn the “curtain” around his area and all you could see were his feet shaking from the uncontrollable chills he was experiencing (one of the reactions) and the feet of all the nursing staff racing around that tiny area trying to help him. It was “white-knuckle” difficult for me and even more to see the reactions of the other patients there – all so visibly shaken up and ashen white. Other nurses came over to make sure we were all ok and to reassure us. I’m glad they didn’t take my blood pressure then! One of the wives and I locked eyes and I smiled at her to reassure her. She came over and I held her hands and I asked her about her knitting which calmed her – we never blinked or took our eyes off each other. Her husband is the elderly gent and he was asleep or pretending to be asleep. Then I prayed and she with me – all I could do was pray – I felt so sick for this poor man. He moaned with pain, threw up – shook, broke out in hives, cried out again – he cried out for his wife who had not returned yet. It was not good – but it ended well, thank God. When his wife did return it wrenched her heart to know that he endured this by himself without her there…….. we talked for a bit and I reassured her that he did himself proud considering what he had gone through and then we prayed….. her eyes were so full of pain and then we hugged and laughed at the mercy and goodness of God! We both needed that – we all did.
One thing about us warriors – ask us how we’re doing and we’ll probably say “good”, “great” “awesome”. We’re not wimps! We are not cowards. However, we’ve earned the right to say “not too good” once in a while and be allowed to say it!
I tell you all this because you have vested your hearts in my journey and I feel you need to know about the sorrow, pain and grief that both patients and their families experience. Again, it’s not something to deal with alone, but so many people do. They may have no one and even if they do, they may not be as involved as they should be or can be………
I use all these opportunities even if I’m affected by it to share the Lord. When you have knowledge of something that will make you feel good, loved, wanted, and cherished, you’ve got to share it.
I’ve made many new friends – and we all become very close and search each other out. We all share a common bond……..
As I left that afternoon, actually earlier than normal because my infusion went very well, I was escorted by Elaine (my pastora) on one side and Cronny, my other friend on the other. It was like a parade as people waved and applauded, both nursing staff and patients alike because it was my last treatment. I was elated!
It’s a great cause for celebration! I felt so good to be able to leave and hopefully, not return. No offense to anyone there – again the double-edge sword – and no offense was taken! I’ve been there long enough that I was so glad to see people go through the same thing – last treatment – and feel glad for the person, and a bit sadden that it wasn’t me. Kisses, hugs, blessings, love, exchanges of information….. promises to keep in touch.
Now I wait…… glad this part is over…… still thanking God for this journey…… knowing that it’s not all over – but confident that He is in control, in the mix and still holding me in His loving arms!
I’m looking forward to getting back to work! Hopefully that will be in a few weeks still because the doctor wants me to rest and allow the toxins and other chemicals out of my body before my tests in March.
Anyway, please take care and as always, please continue praying not just for me but also for those I’ve written about – it’s very important to continue your faith walk with me. God has so much love for you all and the blessings that He has stored up for you are so many that they will be brimming and spilling over you and yours. Please believe me when I say this because it is so very true.
Love and blessings to you and yours,
Mildred
Mildred's Blog 