Today is Friday, November 9, 2007 – I had my 4th Chemo on Tuesday, November 6th, after much delay. My doctor had a couple of patients who had emergencies and I was able to spend my time with the social worker of the cancer center until my doctor returned. She’s wonderful and always so helpful and knowledgeable. This young woman was a classmate of Surei’s in high school at Penfield High. What a small world don’t you think? Again, God in control!
My friend Irene, who just recently in the last year moved with her family to Miami and are the owners of the Hardball Baseball Training Center, www.hardballbaseball.com, arrived in Rochester last Saturday, visiting with me for this 4th therapy. She sat with me through this 4th therapy and nurturing thereafter.
It was such a wonderful visit! We went down memory lane with a lot of oldies but goodies music! Had some very delicious food, great naps, laughs, big hugs, catching up was so important, pictures of the family, wedding, kids, grand-kids, new business, etc; lots of ohhhh’s and ahhhhh’s - and then she left. Again, the departures are sad. Sandra, who I’ve written about before and has also graced me with all her love, brought over wonderful soups and desserts – yummmm! -and stayed over and took Irene to the airport on Thursday morning. We all had a lovely time and visit. Thank you ladies for your love, concern, prayers, encouragement, and just being who you are – loving and generous with your love and time.
I’ve had the same reactions this time as last time with the chemo – the heart burn was bad, the cramping, body twitching, low grade fever, and some constipation again, etc. The next day I was able to pick up some meds to help with these symptoms – it’s all due to the chemo and the prednisone. Yesterday, but today more, I’ve had more relief and been able to sleep better. Of course the headaches are strong and Tylenol isn’t helping much. Fatigued again is high – energy level is low.
At 7:00 am this morning I received a call from Elaine (you all know her by now, she is my pastor’s wife). I sometimes call her my pastora. Elaine called with very sad news about another pastor’s wife of a large Spanish church here in Rochester, who was in the hospital after suffering from a brain Aneurysm. It happened as she and her husband were getting ready for bed last night. At this moment, the doctors are saying she is brain dead and they have no hope for her recovery. Many people from her church including many other churches especially mine and my pastors who come from that mother church, are in attendance at the hospital praying, waiting, hoping, that God will move in a miraculous way, but are also ready to accept the fact (as difficult as that is) that she may not come back to us. In case you wonder what an aneurysm is I’ve placed a link for your convenience:
http://www.webmd.com/brain/tc/brain-aneurysm-topic-overview
This has taken us all by surprise and has sadden us very much. It started me thinking about our very fragil mortality and made me again, face my own. Death for us who are believers in the bible and the Word of God and the promises we know to be true, is not a scary thing. The death of this old body, this shell is what dies, but the spirit within is alive for eternity! We are consoled and joyful because we know where our loved ones are, but we do mourn their loss - their presence, their person, and their love very deeply and terribly. And yes, it is hard for us. But not for our dearly beloved if in fact they knew the blessings and love of the Lord and had accepted Him. That eternity is joyous and what we look forward to.
We may have personally faced or know of someone who has faced the death of a person in their lives and have regrets about things left unsaid and undone with this person. Sometimes things that meant so much, some anger, some pain, some difference of opinion that was so important, no longer holds the same meaning now that they are gone and we may even wonder why it was that important or was it worth the anguish? These things sometimes keep people – family members, friends, acquaintances distant from each other for years and sometimes for a lifetime. Pride, anger, jealousy, unfairness, hurt, pain, etc., and all for what?
I started to reflect on my own walk - there are no guarantees, but I do hold on to the fact that man does not hold my destiny – but God does. He has my days counted. And with that in mind there are still no guarantees as to the day and time of my reunion with Him – my homecoming if you will. My doctor mentioned a while ago that I will never be normal again. That I will have a new normal and along with that comes a shorten lifespan. My organs are different, my body altered, and I am no longer the same. So be it! But my God is my promise, my Lord, my purpose, my Way, my Light and He is always the same – never changes! I’m not alone or without! And while I’m still here, I will walk His walk and continue on the path that He has laid out for me until it’s my time to go home.
As I’ve been praying and mourning for this woman of God this morning and all through the day and for her family (her husband, son, mother, and siblings), I hope that there were no regrets – no unfinished business – that at the very least she and her husband had told each other how much they loved each other as they got ready for bed.
As for me, I’ll be doing some more in-depth soul-searching – I don’t want to have regrets, things left undone or unsaid to those who have touched my life now or in the future. I know that not only has my body changed, but also my heart, my soul, my spirit. And as each journey takes me further down the path and as I’ve continue to walk through life and gotten to know God and His Heart and Character, I’ve grown in Him and Lord willing, and will continue to do so until He comes for me!
Please keep all of this in prayer – for the pastora, her family and all of us. Also for you too. Take time out to reflect on the things in your life that need tending to. Make sure that there are no regrets, arrogance, unkindness, possibly hate, pain, unforgiveness towards yourselve or someone else. Ask God to make it clear to you – to bring it to your mind what and who. And then make things right. Talk it out with God….. call out to Him. He’s waiting for you to do so. Start with Him and let Him lead you in the way to allow yourself to be unburdened…. He said He’ll carry our burden which is heavy and He’ll give us His burden which is light!
Before you go any longer in the day – hug your loved ones, tell them you’re sorry, apologize; ask them to forgive you; forgive them; whatever it is that has soured your day – whatever it is that is unresolved. We are not guaranteed tomorrow – just today and we better make it right for them and us!
Love and Blessings to you and yours,
Mildred
PS: at the end of this writing I received word that Pastora Santa Hernandez passed away. Please continue praying for the family, for peace and restoration. We don’t always know the reasons why things happen, even people of faith struggle with this sometimes. But faith is all we have that God is still God and on the Throne and in control and He will work all things out in the end for good. It’s all about faith and the walk in that faith, for without it we live a meaningless life without real purpose or direction. You must have faith and believe -there’s a better life with it!
