Update #5 – 3rd Infusion on October 15th

Hello folks – it’s been a while since I have updated you all.  It’s been an interesting 4 weeks. 

Since then I have had some wonderful visits like my sister Yvette!  She arrived Tuesday night (October 2nd).  I wore my wig to the airport and the laughing started!  We spent a few wonderful days together!  Though it was just 3 full days (she arrived late Tuesday night and left Saturday late morning), it was great!  It’s funny, but since we talk often over the phone, we didn’t have the total emotional haven’t seen or spoken to you in 8 years how are things and the family, etc.  It was a reunion that dealt with the present, laughing about some of the past, and planning for the future, so we had a lot more time to spend together if you know what I mean.  It was quality. 

 We laughed, hugged, went to bed late, slept in, took naps, ate healthy and solved world problems with the  infinite wisdom that only we as women possess - we planned glorious trips for the future and made definite healthy choices for ourselves, our future, further independence, direction for life, etc.  Our children and grandchildren were always on the top of the list!  Yvette graced and gifted me with her love and fierce loyalty, helped me hang some of her artwork along with other artists, helped me plan the layout of my family picture wall,  she also brought me gifts from her long time friend Carol (I met Carol 8 years ago when we were in California celebrating our parents 50th anniversary) and also from Craig Parker who is one of her Yvette’s clients.  It was so wonderful, unexpected and again humbling.  It never ceases to amaze me how good people are and their generosity and love to those they know and more astonishing to those they don’t.  I thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. 

Yvette’s departure was a bit emotional – we needed more time – we always need more time – one more day – one more hour, etc.  But it was a great visit that will happen again and again!  I love you kiddo!  Thank you for Everything – your visit was balm for the soul and battered body!

My niece Becky (Yvette’s eldest) and her family have graced me with their love and the girls have sent me some of their artwork!  I spoke to the girls and they made me laugh with their questions and conversation.  Alex (Alexandra) is 7 and Haleigh is 5 and the little guy Luke is 2+.  Thank you lovies for your continued prayers and love. 

Neil and Sucie and Gadiel – thank you for your love, constant encouragement and support that you provide to me.  I love you guys very much!  Gadiel you ROCK baby boy and you make my heart sing!

Nora, Henry,  and Nae-Nae – love you guys!  Thanks for all you do!  Nae-Nae it was great seeing you again!

Aracelis’ pastelillo’s were wonderful-and we enjoyed them tremendously.  Thank you girl!

Marisa and Stephen went to Hawaii for their 2nd anniversary and had a spectacular time – it was cool receiving daily calls from Paradise!  Aloha y’all!

On Monday, October 8th, I had my CAT Scan – I’ve had several CAT scans lately but none like this one.  I normally have to drink a liquid which is tolerable, however, this liquid at this location was barium and the most disgusting drink in my life.  I had to drink 6 cups of this terrible thing during an hour.  For instance I had to drink the first one in 1-minute and then 9 minutes later drink the 2- cup etc.  At first it goes down OK, but after the 3rd cup you want to run out and just forget the whole thing.  I tried every trick in the book from holding my nose, my breath, to chugging – Elaine would cheer me on!  If you throw up then you have to start from the beginning – and you know what?  They would have had to catch me!  All of this to find out later that they also offer the tang flavor juice – but they prefer to deal only with one kind of liquid so they don’t offer you but the barium! Yikes!  I was so upset – there has to be a better way – all you go through and then some.  Everyone there was in the same boat, with one cancer or another, at different stages of the cancer at different ages also.  Some folks like to talk and share – others prefer not to.  I like to know what others are going through – it helps share hope and faith.  Elaine made me laugh a lot, but I could see in her eyes the compassion and pain she felt for me and everyone there and I knew that she was praying.   What a gift she’s been – thank you Lord.

 During the process of the scan, while I laid there and the liquid they inject into the IV spreads through your body and it feels warm and you actually feel like you are going pee on yourself – very unpleasant feeling but not intolerable (make sure you’ve gone potty first or you may think you are going on yourself), I closed my eyes and actually sensed waves emanating from the tube towards me.  It was shocking and I quickly opened my eyes to make sure that it wasn’t real, felt sick due to that barium, closed my eyes again and the waves were there once again.  This time I just let it happen and before I knew it we were done.   

On Friday, October 12th I had my Rutuxsen and again I had reactions – not a good time at all.  Elaine and I were there from 8:30am and didn’t leave till 6pm.  It was such a very long day and on top of it all, on one of my trips to the bathroom (I go often) my IV line got hooked on the door handle which is a long handle rather than a round one, and when I turned away from the door it was riped right out of the vein – it didn’t hurt then, but there was blood all over the place.  I can appreciate why it is that people bleed out so fast from an open vein.  Lord there was so much blood – of course it was cleaned up as was I, but not without the trauma that goes with it.  The nurses were careful not to get any on them due to the toxins of the drug mixed in the blood, etc. 

Elaine had wanted to go with me to the bathroom as with the other trips, but I had insisted that this trip I was well enough to make on my own – they had given me so much benadryl for the reactions that I was woozy – but this last trip I was already feeling better – or so I thought.  Anyway, they had to restart the IV again…….not good…….more reactions and when I finally left at 6pm I had not been done but they let me go anyway.  It was exhausting.

Surei arrived late Saturday night on October 13 – we really enjoyed her visit tremendously!  It’s always so good to be able to hug and kiss your children and have those heart-to-heart talks.   She and I shared laughter, tears, made memories, took lots of pictures, made plans future trips!  She was here for the 3rd chemo and doctor’s visit and thankfully, this infusion did not cause the nausea and dizziness that the 2nd one caused.  I did feel a bit weak though, and that night I felt strange and didn’t have an appetite, however, after Surei’s insistence to have something to eat, I actually felt better and more energetic - this was a new reaction to the chemo that I hadn’t had before, and then all that night all my body did was twitch.  The rest of the week was better as the days went by.  The Cat Scan on Monday revealed that there has been a 50% reduction of my lymph nodes which is evident if you have seen me before and see me now.  That was not a surprise – but a great confirmation.  As for the rest – we just don’t know.  They’ll have to do a Pet-scan at the end to determine what the organs look like – as for my bone marrow, well, I still have to get a biopsy done and that won’t happen for a bit yet. 

Surei’s departure was also a bit emotional.  I love arrivals and hello’s – however the departures are rather bittersweet.  I realized how much I miss my wonderful daughters and their companionship and love. 

There is something wonderfully sweet and reverent when women get together and share themselves with each other in unabashed love and concern without hidden agendas.  I am honored to say that all the women that are in my life have shown this honor, love, integrity, and unconditional love that overwhelms one.   God has sent me an army to care for me, console me, encourage me, counsel me, walk with me, love me with no strings attached.  These women have for the most part been with me for a while, some during other journeys I’ve had.  However, I realized slowly how very different this journey was going to be when the Lord brought all these women together at once, this army of sisters, this family of women to minister to me during this very long, difficult and challenging walk.  Thank you Lord for your love and for taking care of all the details - even who you send and when.  This does not exclude the wonderful men married to these wonderful women or related in some way to them, or me.  Thank you to all of you for your continued love, sacrifices, encouragement, and support.  When you ask did you do this?  When you became a part either directly or indirectly with this journey.  God is so good! 

I’ve maintain a good weight, am eating healthy and hygiene is at an optimum.  I’m careful not be to around crowds of people if I can help it and if I do go out I choose my outings carefully,  especially during this time of the year with all the colds, flu’s and upper respiratory infections, etc., that are going around.  My immune system is delicate to say the least and if anyone has the slightest indication of a cold, cough, anything…..then please stay away for my sake.  I will not be able to fight it off – what may be a simple cold could become lethal for me. 

I have been very tired, achy and have had headaches this week.  The energy which I’ve had in the past is not that evident this week no matter how much I’ve rested and napped or walked.  I’ve also dealt with cramps - this is all new.   However, today (which is Friday), I actually got up feeling much better. 

I’ve notice how very dry my skin has gotten – my skin just seems to soak right up all the creams I put on. 

And ok – I miss having hair!!!!   It’s just not the same.  Everyone says how perfectly round my head is and how beautiful……. but I miss my hair!  I’m a girlie girl…..it struck me when I saw a picture of myself with hair the other day and I couldn’t believe it!  It seems so long ago and it’s only been a few weeks.  Wow……..a moment of silence please!  

OK, pity party over!  I often forget that I’m hairless and sometimes walk about with no hat or scarf until I notice that someone is either looking at me oddly or looking down very intently so as not to look at me.. know what I mean?  Poor people…….so for them, I wear something on my head.  Besides it’s getting cooler now so I have to.  I need head covering to protect me from getting cold and besides I’m supposed to stay out of the sun.   But I have to admit I’m having fun with my wig…..I do though also travel with a cap or scarf to switch off when I’ve had enough of the wig.  Sometimes my scalp is sensitive to touch as are my arms – especially where I’ve had the insertion of the needles for my infusion.   Those areas become painfully achy and then I apply heat to relieve the ache.   

There are so many people that have been so kind and I thank you for the blessings in form of calls, the concern, the care, the gifts (monetary and otherwise) it’s all been well received, appreciated, and welcomed as I’ve mentioned before.  

I keep learning every day about myself and the nature of people – it’s awesome.  Most importantly I continue to learn more about God’s heart and His character and continue to strive to transform my heart and character to be like His.  In other words I want there to be less of me and more of Him.   That is a life long journey – of which this one I’m on is a part of – what a trip!

Take care and blessings to you all and again thank you! 

Love,

Mildred